I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
