i was rollin on her like bob the builder
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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