Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
