Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
