4 words: hood of his car
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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