made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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