This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
