Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
