I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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