We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
