Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
