Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
