you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
