i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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