when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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