Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
