billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
