It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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