I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
