cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
