She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
