that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
