what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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