You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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