Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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