someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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