Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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