Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
