That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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