So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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