I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
