the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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