Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
