She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
