TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
