we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
