Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
