Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
