I think im going to throw up on grandma
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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