so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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