so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
