apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
