I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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