I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
