people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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