it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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