I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
