Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
