Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
