have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
