I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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