The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
