A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
