shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
